You’ll never achieve your dreams if they don’t become goals. – Anonymous

What’s the difference between a goal and a dream. After all aren’t our dreams the things we hope to achieve. Sort of – but not exactly. Goals are dreams that have plans attached to them. Goals are the things that are currently our of our reach that are not beyond the realm of possible.

For instance I dream of winning the lottery. I don’t actually play the lottery so it’s definitely not in the realm of reality. And even if I did play – there is no way I have any control over the outcome. It can always only ever be a dream.

Alternately, I set a goal in my life to run a marathon. I studied and created plans based on what I had learned. My goal was to be able to run 26.2 miles without stopping. At the time I set the goal I couldn’t even run a mile. The reality of the goal was beyond my current ability – but not outside the realm of possible. I followed my training plan – a few bumps along the road. Even with the bumps 5 months after i set the goal, layed out the plan, and started my training – I completed the Marine Corps Marathon. The first of many for me.

Dreams are fine – Goals define!

It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end. – Ursula K. Le Guin

When I did my first marathon I realized the talk about the transformation experience by first time marathoners was real. Who I was before the marathon was very different the person I was after the marathon. This had such an impact on me that i opted to make it the subject of my doctoral dissertation. I would examine the non-physical changes experienced by first time marathoners. I would quantify this change.

I started the research knowing what i would find – I would find that there was a statistically significant difference in participants self-efficacy. Self-efficacy being how effective an individual thinks they will be when they try something new. After all – everyone i knew that had done a marathon had experienced this.

Much to my sagrine – I was wrong. Statistically, there was no change. Fortunately, I had started out with the plan to do a mixed method study – starting with the numbers part and following up by interviewing some of the participants. It was in this interviews that i discovered the error in how i designed the study.

I had measured the change from when the participant had registered for the race and when they completed the race. What i hadn’t taken into account was the transformation had already begun. By the time someone had registered for the marathon they were already confident they could complete it.

The interview revealed a number of times along the way that participants had realized they were changing. The change was gradual – emerging with each small victory along the way. It was the journey that mattered much more than the completion of the task.

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. – Mike Murdock

How often did we talk about wanting to do something – that we just never seem to be able to accomplish? I’ll pick an easy one – losing weight. Many of us talk about losing weight – few us of actually accomplish it. We talk about what we’ll do differently then we fall back in to the same old habits.

It takes 21 consecutive days of doing something for it to become a habit; 300 repititions before we build muscle memory; and 3000 repititions before it becomes a natural piece of who we are. In terms of exercise every day – that would mean 3 solid weeks to create the habit, almost a year before our bodies felt something missing when we skipped it, and almost 10 years before it became a critical piece of who we are. That’s a LONG time to stay motivated.

What creates the motivation for each of us to change is different in one sense but the exact same in another. We need to have a goal! A goal that speaks to us. One that when we think of it as we wake in the morning it becomes a burning passion.

For me, I’ve tried to use the goal I want to be as fit as i was when I was running marathons every other month. Sounds inspiring – but it has nothing to do with actually running a marathon. It’s just there – no excitement. Also when I think of this goal, it reminds me how restrictive I was with myself when I did run the marathon. I’d really rather not go that extreme again. Workouts were hours, food was heavily laden with carbs. The other day the goal hit me. Single Serving – more than anything I want to be ok with a single serving of exercise and to get that single serving in. Whatever I eat is fine – just have to keep it to a single serving.

Discovering this goal for me has been so uplifting and freeing. No longer are things taboo that become all to tempting. No longer is exercise something that needs to be extreme – everything becomes a Single Serving for me. Finding a goal to be passionate about is the key!

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. – Earl Nightingale

Most larger organization create what they call long range strategic plans. These plans if done well will be the visioning tool for where the company wants to be in 10 or even 20 years. From these shorter term business plans are developed – these are the baby steps that will get us to this wonderful future state.

For many of us – we don’t even consider where we want to be at some future state. Planning tonight’s dinner is future enough for us. Given how much longer people our living it’s more critical that we think about this future. Given my family history I could easily live to 120 or more. I’d like to be as healthy as possible when I get there. That means taking care of this body. Yet that so much easier said than done. The bad habits of the years are so easy to fall back to. It seems like it will take so long to get back into shape. It’s important to remember it took more than a few days to get here – it’ll take more than a few days to redevelop the good, healthy habits that are imperative for the long term.

Worry is wasting today’s time cluttering up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles. – unknown

When I was a teenager it came to me as a profound insight. Nothing – absolutely nothing is helped by worry. Every minute wasted on worry is a minute that could be used to do something about the situation.

Worrying steals minutes. There is no good that results from it. At best it has no impact on the predicament at hand – more likely it takes a bad situation and makes it worse. The energy used worrying drains us without any productive gain.

If we can take a deep breath and contemplate – what’s the worst that can happen in this situation. Accept that worst and then looks for ways to avoid the worst. Find the opportunity in the situation that will allow us to come out of the situation ahead of the worst. By taking the energy we use to waste towards worry and funneling it to productive opportunity – wonderful things happen.

We strain to renew our capacity for wonder, to shock ourselves into astonishment once again. – Shana Alexander

I’ve spent much time thinking about what happens to our curiosity. We are born curious — think of a 5 year old. Full of questions. Full of wonder. No fears about asking and wondering and gaining as much insight as possible. No question is too silly to a 5 year old. A 5 year old never worries that someone will think they are dumb because of a question they ask. They will continue to ask as long as someone is willing to answer.

What happens to that curious 5 year old we all once were?

My best guess is – we send them to school. And tell them to sit down and shut up. Then we stick a piece of paper in front of them and tell them – know the answers or your fail. The next 12 to 16 years they got to school hearing – know the answers or you fail. Next we head out to the work force – where we hear – know the ansers or you’re fired.

How can we get back to being that curious 5 year old? How can we find the courage to ask the truly curious question, without the fear of looking stupid?

One of the processes I use with organizations for problem solving – Action Learning – is based on being able to ask the couragous questions. The teams I work with all start out slow – because asking courious questions has become foriegn to our way of being. After two or three sessions most folks rediscover the curious 5 year old within them and discover how much more powerful asking questions is then necessarily knowing the answer.

You see what you want to see, and you hear what you want to hear. – Oblio

We all use filters every day in every way. Regardless of how hard we try these filters are always with us. They can be based on our prior experience with someone. They can be based on what we have heard about someone. They can be based on what we have been raised to believe. They can be based on the fact that someone is different than us. It can be based on what we would like to believe is true. So many thing influence what we see and hear — rather than what is really there.

How do we figure out what is our filter and what is truth? There is no easy way. We can ask questions? But what are the right questions?

I’ve had this conversation with a number of clients. So and so is impossible. I work to avoid him at all cost. I make sure i keep my interactions to a minimum and my head out of the line of fire.

I’ll ask what their experience has been. The response is typically – I haven’t directly experienced it but i know someone who did.

I’ll ask did you see it? The response is typically – no but I heard about it from someone else.

So I follow with – you haven’t experienced it. The folks that are talking about it haven’t ecperienced it. And the folks that are said to have experienced it aren’t talking about it. The response — yea but so and so has a reputation.

After a few more rounds. We finally get to the place that maybe the person acts as they do because the folks around them have put them in a box of happening a specific reputation. And the only behavior anyone notices is when they are behaving according to this reputation they have. Nothing else is seen. Nothing else counts. So after awhile …. what difference does it make.

People tend to live up to our expectations of them — so expect the best!

If you don’t know where you are going, how can you expect to get there? – Basil S. Walsh

Do you have a vision for your life? Do you have a clue where you are trying to get? And if you do have a clue – Do you know how you’ll get there? How will you know when you have gotten there?

Dreaming of the future is fine – but without a plan it’s only a dream. Create your roadmap! Know exactly where it is you are trying to get to.

When you get in your car it’s very rare that you jump in the car and decide to willy nilly go for a ride. You are either going to work, going to the market, going to …. There is almost always a destination in mind. And based on the destination you create a roadmap – a plan for how you will get there. However, if you stumble upon an obstacle along the way – you may have to reroute. Ultimately, you will know if you have reached your destination.

This begs the question – does it translate to bigger goals. For instance – 5 years from know I want to be director for ….. or 5 years from now I want to have my own consulting practice with 10 people working for me and bookings of $1.5 million. Yes – it does work. Have a vision! Having a real place you want to get to and ahaving a plan how to get there – will get you there. The entire plan doesn’t have to be clear – but the first steps do.

For instance – to start my own consulting practice – I need to get my name known. To get my name known – i’ll join the following groups …. , I’ll meet with 1 new potential partner each week until I have 5 solid partners. Every 3 months I’ll re-evaluate the networks I belong to and see if they are advancing me toward my vision or simply occupying time. And so on and so on …..

Make today the day you identify where you want to be — in 3 years — in 5 years — in 10 years. And get started on the plan!

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

Of late I’ve been researching what it takes to get rid of a bad habit or get a good habit instilled within us. What I’ve learned is pretty astounding.

The easiest way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a good habit. It takes twenty-one consecutive days of doing this new pattern to make it a habit. It takes 300 repititions to create muscle memory. And 3000 repititions to embody a new bahavior. What does all of that mean.

Think back to when you were first learning to drive a car – or maybe it’s easier to think about when you were teaching your child to drive. Everything was akward – it was necessary to think about every move you had to make. After several weeks of driving it became more natural. Now that you’ve been driving for years, everything is second nature – unless something unusual happens.

When I learned to drive we were taught to position our hands at 10 and 2 — now the teaching is 8 and 4. I’ve been working hard to recondition myself to place my hands at 8 and 4 … So far I haven’t been able to achieve this new habit for 21 days. I have shifted to a place of at least thinking about it when i get in the car … so hopefully before long I’ll have a better shot at making this a habit.

Other habits are starting to develop as using this methodology. I use to believe i needed 2 cups of coffee before I could do anything productive in the morning. I’ve been working at shifting my morning run to first thing in the morning — before the coffee. I actually worked this habit in 2 passes. I did 21 days of just making sure i got an aerobic workout of at least 30 minutes in every day. Now that I have completed that successfully – I am working on 21 days of making it the first thing i do after getting up in the morning … 5 days down …

What excellent habit will you start developing today?

It’s all about choices – what do you choose? – Dr. Bea

We each have the same numbers of minutes in a day. What we do with those minutes will determine how successful we are.

How many folks get stuck in the past? My life is miserable because …. The past cannot be changed. Living there only wastes the minutes of today. It’s ok to acknowledge the past and learn from it. However, do not wallow in it. It cannot be changed – it occured – there is no undoing it – now move on.

Decide what you want to be – who you want to be – what you want your life to be. AND plot the course to get there. Make every day a mission to be the person you want to be!

Each day make the choices that bring you closer to the person you want to be. At the end of the day ask yourself – am i proud of the choices I made today. If not – ask yourself what will I do differently tomorrow? If yes – ask yourself what will i do tomorrow to continue on this path. Plan to succeed each and every day!